It has been widely mis-reported in the government media that the acting president has received The Nobel Peace Prize. Since I couldn’t believe such a prestigious organization would honor non-achievement so publicly, without the recipient or recipients’ direct involvement in international terrorism, I investigated.
Sure enough, I was right! It was not the group in Oslo but rather a consortium of pizza pie gourmets in Naples, Italy that bestows this award for “Annual volume of tomato pie consumption by a world citizen,” to quote a spokesperson. The confusion which has occurred throughout the civilized world is apparently a result of the similarity in names. The award actually won by the current White House occupant is The Nobelli Piece Prize. Notice the differences in spelling. Despite the confusion, this is an historic occasion since it marks the first time the prize has been awarded to anyone weighing less than 350 pounds.
This prestigious award was originated in 1972 by Alfredo Nobelli, owner and operator of Nobelli’s Pizza Parlor and Car Wash in St. Louis, Missouri. Alfredo was originally from Naples and immigrated to America as an illegal in 1971. The following year he financed the first “Piece Prize” out of gratitude to his newly adopted country, with money saved from his welfare checks. It is not clear whether Mr. Nobelli ever became a citizen or even got a green card. He could not be reached for comment.
There seems to be no connection between the now famous pizza parlor and Rush Limbaugh’s desire to by the St. Louis Rams, even though he has frequently used the phrase, “Mmm, mmm, mmm!” I believe this reference has more to do with the political indoctrination of students in a New Jersey public school than with the consumption of tomato pies, with or without pepperoni.
Remember — the buck starts here!
R.S.F.
Humorist Arnold Glasgow once wrote, “A friend is someone who laughs at your jokes when they’re not so good and listens to your troubles when they’re not so bad.” But what happens when a friend starts giving you bad advice? The acting president has been running into that for some time now with his close, warm, personal friend [CWPF] “Totus”. “Totus” is a ‘Bamaprompter.
Let me make something perfectly clear to those who might otherwise get the wrong impression — he speaks neither for me nor for the vast majority of American people. We owe apologies to no one. The ugly chip on his shoulder speaks for ‘Bama alone. He and “Totus” have become dangerous embarrassments — two of the Three Stooges. Since he has difficulty forming coherent sentences without help, we must conclude that the formerly faithful ‘Bamaprompter has run amok and is feeding him bad information. Maybe his contemporaries can ‘roll’ him like a hooker with a jon in a cheap hotel but not so the people of this nation. Americans love freedom and have always stood strong against tyranny, whatever its origins.
Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner
Thanksgiving was, after all, an important holiday. If there were no Thanksgiving, how would we know that Christmas and New Years were coming — not to mention Hanukah, Kwanza and a host of other traditional holidays? Some folks called it ‘Turkey Day‘, although Thomas had never been told exactly why. He knew the words must have some kind of very special meaning, because no one ever talked about Thanksgiving without talking about turkeys. He closed his eyes and pictured himself as guest of honor at such a glorious celebration. M-m-m-m — pass the cranberries!
At school, he learned revisionist history about people called Pilgrims who were so dopey that when their boat first came to America it landed on a rock and they didn’t even know how to feed or clothe themselves. The Indians (They didn’t become Native-Americans for another 300 years), who were already here, had to show them how to do everything — and to say thanks, the Pilgrims slaughtered every last one of them! Then they had a big feast to celebrate the butchery and called it Thanksgiving.
Somehow, that didn’t sound right to Thomas. I mean, why would the Pilgrims kill all the people who were helping them? Besides, the Pilgrims were religious people and knew that God wouldn’t like that. There must be another explanation for Thanksgiving and he was determined to find it — and to find out about the important role that turkeys play in the festivities. Another story that sounded more plausible was told to him by the wise old Grandpa Turkey who sat by the big brown tree stump at the head of the barnyard.
It seems that the Pilgrims who landed on the rock had an arrangement where all the people would put everything they made or grew into a big storehouse. Then when somebody needed something, they would just take it. From each according to his ability to each according to his need sounded pretty good, at first. But some people were lazy and let others do the work — yet they took as much as anyone else from the big storehouse. The people who did all the work said, “The heck with this noise!” and stopped working. With no one producing anything, they all nearly starved.
The head Pilgrim said, “Okay, from now on each individual keeps whatever he creates and can use it, sell it, or trade it for other things he needs. The free market system worked and so did all the people! They even traded with the Indians and invited them to the first celebration of their new found prosperity — a celebration of Capitalism which today we know as Thanksgiving!
Even though the wise old turkey’s story made more sense, it still didn’t explain why some people called the day, ‘Turkey Day’. When Thomas told of his dream to be invited to the glorious celebration, the horrified Grandpa Turkey exclaimed, “Holy giblets! Have you lost your head?”
Once the special role of the turkey was fully explained, Thomas began to tremble. It was only then that he noticed the shiny metal thing with a long wooden handle on top of the brown wooden stump, and heard the squeak of the gate as farmer Fred entered the pen. Thomas quickly sucked in his chest and tried to look smaller.
As Thanksgiving approaches, I think about Thomas a great deal and look forward to a festive holiday with family and friends — as well as with our guest of honor. Remember just like elections, wishes have consequences.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
R.S.F
